Claire Kingsley

I know very little about your personality.”

People were odd. They said things they didn’t mean and did things that bore no relationship to what they said. I found them unpredictable, and therefore uncomfortable.

“You can’t be serious.”

“Serious as a heart attack.”

You can take the boy out of Texas, but you can’t take Texas out of the boy.”

Hey sweetie! What time today?

The reply came almost immediately. Well hi there, sugar. Any time is good for me, but what are we talking about?

So I’m about to walk in there to meet your dad for the first time, and oh by the way, funny story, I accidentally married your daughter in Vegas. But don’t worry; we were shit-faced when it happened.”

“It’s not your fault. We were both there.”

“Is your dad a gun owner, Sophie?”

She just laughed and walked up to the front door.

I jogged a few steps to catch up. “Sugar, you didn’t answer my question.”

“No,” she said over her shoulder, her hand already in the air to knock. “And don’t worry. He’s not very fast. You can easily outrun him.”

“You’re not makin’ me feel better.”

What about drywall? Can you patch a hole in a wall?”

“Sure.”

Sophie glanced around. “I don’t think you have any holes in your walls.”

“Can you change a tire?” Melvin asked. “Or are you one of those baby-men who’d call a service and wait helplessly on the side of the road?”

I cracked a smile. This guy was great. “I can change a tire. Learned how when I was ten.”

“Can you drive a stick?” He tossed the question at me like he was trying to find my weakness

“Why the fuck did you marry my daughter if you didn’t even want to sleep with her?” Melvin asked.

“Dad!”

I almost coughed again but managed to keep my throat from closing. What the hell was I supposed to say to that? Actually, sir, I’d love to fuck the shit out of your daughter in about a hundred different ways, but so far, she’s turned me down.

Now that she said it, I did remember. But I had more pressing issues. Like the fact that her father looked like he was contemplating what to do with my body after he murdered me.