Natasha Madison

“It’s when one girl has more than one lover.”

“Will you marry me?”

My hand is in the process of putting the bottle of beer back down on the counter when it stops mid-action. I shake my head. “Excuse me?” I say, not sure I heard what she said. I laugh nervously. “I could have sworn you said.” I put the bottle of beer down or maybe it just falls out of my hand, landing with a thud. “You said marry you.” I shake my head again and laugh, thinking how ridiculous that sounds. When I don’t hear her laughing, I turn back to look at her. “You have got to be kidding me.” My voice goes higher than I want it to go, almost shriek-like. “What the fuck?” my mouth spits out, and my heart beats so fast in my chest I think it's going to come out. I push my stool away from the counter, jumping off it. “Are you insane?” I walk around the counter, the nerves filling my body. I open the oven and take the pizza out. “Are you joking?” I ask as I toss the soggy, half-cooked, half-defrosted pizza in the trash. “Are you going to jump up and say gotcha anytime soon?” I stand here waiting for her to say it, waiting for her to tell me I didn’t hear what I think I did. Waiting for her to tell me anything.

She pushes the container in front of her away and I put my hands on my hips, the buzzing starting in my ears. “Come on, Levi,” she urges, “I would do it for you.” She throws her hands in the air as if she is asking me to take her laundry to the cleaners or borrow my car for a month.

“You would do it for me?” I say sarcastically. “You would marry me?” I put my hand to my chest. “I’m honored.” I’m hoping like fuck she gets that this is me in the middle of having a mental freak-out.

She smiles at me. “You’re welcome.”

Before putting my hands on his shoulders, I look into his eyes. “Thank you, thank you, thank you.” My hands slap his shoulders with each word, before pushing off him and being put on my feet.

“Don’t thank me just yet,” he mumbles, “we still have to meet with the lawyer.” He rubs his face with his hands.

“Oh, come on.” I place my hip against the counter. “It’s not going to be that bad.” Even though I say the words out loud, my head screams, it’s going to be so much worse than just this.

“I don’t know about that.” He looks down and back up.

“Listen, I know it will be hard for you to even think of committing yourself for a full year. That’s three hundred and sixty-five days. To someone who never, ever had a relationship longer than a four-day weekend fuck fest, which was only because your flight kept getting canceled, this is like eighty-four years.” I fold my arms over my chest as he glares at me. “But I promise I will make it as easy as I can.” I hold up my three fingers. “Scout’s honor.”