David Walton

Avoid skewed thinking
Say the appropriate thing at the right time
Value and obtain commitment from others
Become resilient in difficult times
Have clear values and share them with others
Increase your own well-being.

The real world is a place where both feelings and instincts are major influences on our behaviour.

What is emotional intelligence all about?

are stored in your brain and used for reacting automatically to situations. These are pathways bet

Introduction
What is emotional intelligence all about?
Take a look at the following people. Do they remind you of anyone you know?

Anthony is trying to decide whether to cash in a savings bond to buy a classic car he wants. The trouble is, if he keeps the bond for another six months, it will mature and he will get an extra £5,000. But the car will have gone and it’s special. He wants it badly. He’s already got three other cars but he’s not good on delayed gratification. Things would be easier if he had regular work.

Sue doesn’t get on with her chief executive despite doing a really good job. He’s incredibly dismissive, doesn’t respond to her reports on things which need looking at or approaching differently – and he never looks her in the eye. Her colleagues see her as a role model for good practice. She wants a good career but isn’t sure about the next step.

Peta hasn’t met her sales targets again. Her customers just like to talk about their problems. She doesn’t have anything in common with those sorts of people and would rather just get on with the job.

Peter gets very frustrated at home. His wife has changed. Nothing seems to satisfy her anymore and he has only the vaguest notion why. She seems frustrated or depressed all the time, in equal measure. She thinks he’s always at fault so he gets angry, slamming doors and walking away.

Like many people, these individuals are all struggling with situations and difficulties which are troubling to different degrees. At first sight, it seems as though logic, rational decision-making and perhaps good common sense are the answer – in theory, that is. But these examples come from the real world. Anthony, Sue and the others are real people. And that means they aren’t always logical. They don’t always use rational decision-making, or common sense, for that matter.

Instincts, feelings and personal values take over and become a major part of the dilemmas facing our four people. Conflict between our thinking and our feelings makes things complicated. Gut instincts or intuition rely a great deal on emotion and feelings. The real world is a place where both feelings and instincts are major influences on our behaviour.

Anthony for example is having difficulty resisting temptation. He could wait for a lot more money – his logic might tell him – but the demands made by his emotions are in conflict with this. What actually happened was that, as usual, he gave way to his emotions and cashed in his savings bond. A year later he was in dire financial circumstances – not just because of the car, but because the struggle between logic and emotion was always won in the same way. His feelings seem to take over his thinking: he makes a

Gut instincts or intuition rely a great deal on emotion and feelings.

The bottom line is that we all have the capacity

nclude:

Can tell when own mood is changing
Can tell when own emotions are affecting performance
Quickly realizes when starting to lose temper
Quickly realizes when thoughts are turning negative
Reflects and learns from experience
Is open to feedback
Is able to show a sense of humour and laugh at themselves
Shows confidence in own capabilities
Is guided by internal belief and value system

Avoid skewed thinking

eping a ‘stiff upper lip