The Let Them Theory

must save yourself from yourself.

Let Me end a relationship with someone who won’t commit.

Let Me trust this is another step in the direction of choosing the love I deserve.

Let Me stop chasing the potential of this and see the reality.

Let Me believe that I just took one step closer to the right person.

Let Me take my power back, because the love of my life is right around the corner.

This is the hard part: Sometimes the people you choose aren’t going to choose you back. It will suck. You will feel demoralized. And you’ll be okay.

If you choose to stay in this after they’ve told you they don’t want the same things you want, that’s on you. If you stay in something after they won’t commit, the next phone call should be to your therapist, because there is something deeper going on.

One question that you can always ask yourself to snap out of the dating fog is: If your best friend were being treated this way, what would you tell them?

I have really loved spending time with you. And I know myself, and I’m really looking for a commitment. I wanted to talk to you because I want to see if we both have the same vision for where this is going. I value my time and energy, and I don’t want to put time and energy into spending time with someone if it’s not going to go to the next level. And I’ve
reached that point with you. It’s been really fun. I love spending time with you. But I only want to invest more time and energy if we’re going to go to the next level. And if you don’t see the same thing, this has been great. But I just know myself and I need to choose to invest the time that I have with people who want the same things that I want.

I once heard an addiction specialist say that no one gets sober until being drunk is more painful than facing the thing you are running from. Hearing that made so much sense for me and it can help you move from a place of judgment into a place of understanding and compassion.

That person needs pain in order to galvanize the will to change.

Remember what Dr. Waldinger said? “Don’t shield them from the consequences of what they choose.” At some point, you’re going to decide to stop subsidizing someone’s life, who refuses to do the work or get the professional help they need to get better.

People only heal when they are ready. And if they haven’t, it’s because they aren’t ready. When someone you love is going through an internal struggle, they will not get better for you, their kids, or their family. They have to want to get better for themselves.

Stop pressuring them to change. Accept that you can’t control their behavior or actions. Adults only do what they feel like doing. Your job is to accept them for who they are and where they are.

Let Them be. Then, Let Me.