Zamzar

If I tried to smile, people told me to stop smirking. If I was being sincere, people told me to stop being sarcastic. If I was being sarcastic, people took me literally.

Words didn’t make me friends, or make people believe me when I was telling the truth or make people understand my experience when I was stating it as clearly as I possibly

could.

My brain has never, for a single moment, been quiet. It is constantly chattering to itself, analysing everything into oblivion, second-guessing itself, second-guessing the second-guessing, reliving an argument, reminding me of that dumb thing I did, which reminds me of all those other ‘dumb things’ I did, finally thinking of the perfect comeback in that argument I was reliving ten minutes ago, and SUDDENLY REMEMBERING I’M GOING TO DIE

ONE DAY. It’s constantly bouncing from topic to topic and back again, taking detours, changing the subject and switching back without warning in a way that only I can follow. If it’s frustrating for the people around me, I CAN NEVER SWITCH IT OFF. Trust me, nobody is more exhausted by me than I am.