Wendy T. Behary

Learning how to balance self-directed with other-directed attention is an important part of childhood development. It is fundamental to the development of reciprocity, responsibility, and empathy. Unfortunately, it is usually lacking in the narcissist’s early development.

robbed of a sense of personal competence and instead felt helpless and dependent. He may have grown up feeling entitled to have others take care of everything so he wouldn’t face discomfort, humiliation, or feeling like a failure. We may also find this in cultures where males (sometimes females) are treated like “little princes”

Empathy is the ability and willingness to imagine walking in the other person’s shoes. Unlike sympathy, it is not simply feeling sorrow for another’s pain; it is the art of tuning in to it, allowing it to resonate within yourself. It is one of the most powerfully connective qualities of a healthy relationship, and its absence can be devastating.

the narcissist fears the loss of a sense of self when entering an emotional merger. For narcissists, intimacy feels like a stifling and dangerous dwelling.

If you try to wedge a word in during their monologue, you’ll suddenly become invisible. They only have ears for the rising crescendo of their lofty vocals or your admiration.

his emotional illiteracy, detachment, and withdrawal from emotional encounters, and his hyperautonomous stance, limits his capacity for empathy or precludes it all together.

Daniel Goleman, in his book Social Intelligence (2006), suggests that someone who doesn’t empathize with others can treat them as objects rather than as people.

Growing up with a narcissistic parent can be a strong predictor for the development of narcissistic traits.

Narcissism has robust value for children. It helps them express their physical and emotional discomfort, especially in the preverbal years. The child becomes angry, cries, and demands attention to obtain protection, approval, comfort, and playful engagement. This is healthy and developmentally appropriate behavior.

In a loving and grounded parent-child relationship, shame can play an appropriate role in discipline as a means of calibrating the barometer of give-and-take and teaching family values and personal responsibility. With this approach, the child learns how to be accountable without feeling flawed and damaged. The goal is to foster celebration of her creativity and self while also developing a sense of responsibility to others.