Lindsay C. Gibson

Role reversal is a hallmark of emotionally immature parenting. In this case, the parent relates to the child as if the child were the parent, expecting attentiveness and comfort from the child. These parents may reverse roles and expect their child to be their confidant, even for adult matters. Parents who discuss their marriage problems with their children are an example of this kind of reversal. Other times parents might expect their children to praise them and be happy for them, just as a child might expect from a parent.

They live in a perpetual state of insecurity, fearing that they’ll be exposed as bad, inadequate, or unlovable. They keep their defenses high so other people can’t get close enough to threaten their shaky sense of self-worth.

they caused a problem, they dismiss it by saying they didn’t intend to hurt you. After all, you can’t blame them for something they didn’t mean to do, right? In this way, their egocentric focus remains on their intention, not the impact on you.

Impaired empathy is a central characteristic of emotionally immature people, as is avoidance of emotional sharing and intimacy.

f you don’t have a basic sense of who you are as a person, you can’t learn how to emotionally engage with other people at a deep level.

It may be that many emotionally immature people weren’t allowed to explore and express their feelings and thoughts enough to develop a strong sense of self and a mature, individual identity. This made it hard for them to know themselves, limiting their ability to engage in emotional intimacy. I

If you’re interested in exploring whether you may have experienced emotional deprivation in childhood, the 1993 book Reinventing Your Life, by Jeffrey Young and Janet Klosko,

If you’re interested in exploring whether you may have experienced emotional deprivation in childhood, the 1993 book Reinventing Your Life, by Jeffrey Young and Janet Klosko,

Lacking adequate parental support or connection, many emotionally deprived children are eager to leave childhood behind. They perceive that the best solution is to grow up quickly and become self-sufficient. These children become competent beyond their years but lonely at their core. They often jump into adulthood prematurely, getting jobs as soon as they can, becoming sexually active, marrying early, or joining the service. It’s as though they’re saying, Since I’m already taking care of myself, I might as well go ahead and get the benefits of growing up fast. They look forward to adulthood, believing it offers freedom and a chance to belong. Sadly, in their rush to leave home they may end up marrying the wrong person, tolerating exploitation, or staying with a job that takes more than it gives. They often settle for emotional loneliness in their relationships because it feels normal to them, like their early home life.

The most primitive parts of our brain tell us that safety lies in familiarity (Bowlby 1979).