Madonna in a Fur Coat (Penguin Modern Classics)

The essence of life is in solitude – wouldn’t you agree?

had – perhaps without knowing, or perhaps not daring to breathe the thought – been searching for someone. That was why I had been avoiding all others. If only for a moment, the painting had convinced me that I might find her, and find her soon. It had sparked in me a hope that would never sink into despair.

Now I know these memories will never leave me … One chance encounter, and I am cruelly awake, wrenched from the numb lethargy that has kept me going these last ten years. I would be lying if I said this could drive me mad, or be the death of me. People somehow manage to accustom themselves to what they first think insufferable. I, too, shall endure … But how? I look into the future, and all I see is a life of cruel torment. Somehow, I shall find a way to bear it … just as I have done until now