Film for Her

Together, we were chaos,

the beautiful kind,

the rebels who pretended to be

a lot bigger than they were,

who lived in a realm of endless possibilities.

Perhaps it’s my overwhelming desire for belonging that helped me build a home in you

Consume me whole, for I am a creature of habit. Rummaging through the corners of your mind, waiting, tenderly, for you to come out and play along.

I’ve poured this raddled body

into more people that I can count.

A sillage of what will one day be a nostalgic past that only we can recall

it’s easier to stay here and dance

with the ghosts in our apartment.

If we’re going to feel,

let’s do so deeply

My therapist asked me

to describe myself in one word

when I first met her.

“Unfortunate” came out of my mouth,

half-jokingly.

Today she asked me

the same question.

“Significant,” I stuttered.

Except this time,

I think I believed it.

I am a paradox

craving both attachment

and distance from you,

Give me your early mornings

Give me your half-awake eyes

Drag me in when you’re pulling away