theproblematique

He tries to pay attention to his co-interns, and succeeds to a degree, but in the background of his thoughts is a constant replay of the scene from this morning: the give of the patient’s skin, the gush of air in his face, the close warmth of Dr. Bang, the patient’s pulse coming back thanks to something he did, Dr. Bang’s approving look, Dr. Bang’s clapping, Dr. Bang’s eyes, Dr. Bang’s shoulders, Dr. Bang’s forearms—Dr. Bang’s wedding ring outline under his gloves, snap out of it Felix.

It’s called ‘I wish Dr. Bang would bang me’, in English, and Felix lets out a choking laugh instead of crying.

There are four members.

His medical student self, with his perfect report card, would be considering self-immolation right now if he found out.

For some reason, it feels easy to discard his past self’s hypothetical feelings on the matter when Felix’s feelings are so clearly on the line.

Sure enough, a minute later Jisung comes back with their chief in tow, looking very pleased. So do the others; Felix smiles that beautiful smile of his, Seungmin seems happy, Jeongin grins.

Not how he was hoping their first one-to-one conversation would go. Not that he was hoping for a one-to-one—

You were nice back then, too. It’s been nine months, people create life in that time, isn’t that crazy? Some cells become a baby, and in the time I’ve been away from you I became a doctor.

When he was tying that flimsy gown and Seungmin swayed a little bit like he was lightheaded Jeongin didn’t think: ‘oh no is he feeling okay?’ he thought ‘if I bit him on the neck really hard he’d cry out, what would it sound like?’.

The intern, the be—blond one that did the needle-decompression with him; the source of his fury, not the target of it.

Felix.

“He’s Australian, Jisung,” Felix groans in explanation to Jisung, as Jisung tugs his own glass away.

“Sunbaeee,” Felix slurs, smiley and clearly tipsy. “You were sitting next to Dr. Bang.” His accent sounds so thick when he’s drunk. “Dr. Bang’s’sssooo nice… d’you know we named our groupchat after h—mph?”