Mindful Listening

Hopefully you can see that the issue was simply that they were unprepared.

listeners do not receive the same level of praise, attention, instruction, or credibility as speakers. They should!

It may seem obvious, but even the most attentive and empathetic person is going to struggle to listen to you if they’re being mauled by a lion or haven’t eaten in two weeks. What might it look like to not be physically ready to listen?

• Being too hungry, tired, grumpy, inebriated, hot, cold, uncomfortable, or ill to pay proper attention
• Being stressed, rushed, or busy with something else
• Being too emotionally aggravated to be fully present—e.g., overly angry, sad, or scared

Physical preparedness may simply come down to making sure that the chair is comfortable, nobody is thirsty, and you’re not attempting a conversation at 11 p.m. when everyone is fatigued and unable to manage a full-blown discussion about something important.

In our attention-depleted but individualistic culture, people are programmed to believe that listening is something you begrudgingly do for the sake of the other person, but also to earn your right to snatch back the limelight and continue to do the more interesting part—getting them to listen to you.

takes notes, and evaluates the

We may encounter good advice that may genuinely help us communicate better, but ignore it

how to flirt, and how to be charming, persuasive, and articulate,

listening to music for pleasure.

The reason we do this is because we think of speaking and writing as active, and listening as passive. We imagine that listening is simply not doing. And how many ways can there be of not doing anything, right?

This misconception, however, is at the heart of our misunderstanding about how to communicate better. Listening is just as important as speaking, if not more so, and it takes just as much skill, deliberation, and practice—there is nothing obvious or automatic about it!

This, then, is where we will start our mission to become more masterful, intelligent communicators. If you’re like most people, chances are

no longer assuming that connection, understanding, and listening will happen on their own without effort.