Stand Up For Yourself, Set Boundaries, & Stop Pleasing Others

Who is in control of your world?
What determines your state of mind?

For people-pleasers, their sense of worth always seems to rest outside of themselves. They give that power to others. If they think you’re good, then you’re good. If they think you’re bad, then that’s what you are.

The big difference is that you are not running away from rejection but encountering it in a controlled, deliberate fashion.

the idea is simply to become proactive and deliberately seek rejection on your own terms

She doesn’t apologize, she doesn’t beg forgiveness, and she doesn’t immediately leap in with an alternative suggestion to soften her no.

course, this doesn’t always work out so well because by saying yes, we open ourselves to being taken advantage of, to agreeing to things that actually violate our own boundaries, and to making our own feelings of calm dependent on us being generous and useful to others

, being generous and giving is not really about the other person at all—it’s about regulating ourselves.

What this suggests is that saying yes to requests is a way to reduce inner stress and uneasiness (some might call it guilt!).

Being giving is a beautiful thing. But it’s less beautiful when it’s purely a strategy to help us moderate anxiet

Grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change, the courage to change the things I cannot accept, and the wisdom to know the difference.”

Whenever you are feeling distressed or confused, ask, “What is my task here?” With work colleagues, relationships, family members, or friends, pause and quickly ask if a certain task, idea, or thought is really your business. Is it your responsibility? Is it in your scope of control?

If not, let it go without guilt.